I Love to be Alone

I love to be alone

and appreciate freedom.

Even when people say 

"You don't look good walking alone..."

I appreciate

the long walks with myself

no talking, just feeling the caress of the wind

and dates that involve

me and my thoughts reserve only for solitude.

I savor the beauty

of the silent afternoon

Where I can be a bird

enjoying its own little cage

making the best

out of everything

I don't mind 

the vacant spot beside me

every time I eat out

with my shadow.

Though I know for an instant,

the waiter would wonder

or maybe say

"Where's he, young lady?"

I treasure the company

of silence uninterrupted

where I can let my thoughts speak

the things that my lips can't

and silence indeed

is a special friend.

There's no hand that holds mine

When something heart-warming is seen

Nor when I scream my lungs out

at a horror room

still it's fun

though I am alone

Yes, there are moments

when the enormous part of my heart

that craves for companionship

detests my love story with singlehood

But it understands

that this is necessary.

Yet, I would be a sad excuse for a liar

when I insist that I'd rather be alone.

The longing for a hand to hold

for a comforting hug

for a listening partner

for a best friend

would always win.

However, until I finally have him

I shall continue

this romance specially made for me and myself

so when that special time comes

we'll both rejoice

imagine that!

So when you see me

walking alone the long pavements

or eating by myself

with only the company of a book

Know that I am happy.

I may appear unaccompanied

But I carry someone in my heart. 

Someone whom I shall soon be with. :)

October and April

“My heart tells me this is the best and greatest feeling I have ever had. But my mind knows the difference between wanting what you can’t have and wanting what you shouldn’t want. And I shouldn’t want you.” 

-  Cassandra Clare, City of Glass

Imagine the joy of finding the one thing you have waited for in your life; it's beautiful, unbelievable, absolutely precious.

Now, imagine that find being dragged away from you because of the undeniable fact that some things are not meant for you and you shouldn't want it at all; it's painful to say the least.

Now, imagine if you were to really experience that for real?

I'm a sucker for sad love stories and I root for star-crossed characters; Fyedka and Chava from Fiddler on the Roof, Romeo and Juliet, the little mermaid and the prince in Hans Christian Andersen's original story. The more I tear up, the more that piece becomes more meaningful to me. 

What makes that sad, though, is that those kinds of love stories exist in real life as well. 

I sometimes wonder "Why do they still continue a relationship when they both know that they will both end up getting hurt in the end? Why do they give up a lot? Is there love worth all the sacrifices?"

To those who have given up a lot in the name of love, I guess I will hear a resounding 'Yes!'

Lately, I find myself listening to Rasmus' "October and April". The initial thought that came to my mind was "This song is so poignant but beautiful". It relates so honestly the pain of forbidden love and the willingness of the lovers to sacrifice for the benefit of their relationship with someone they adore. Because of my being too in love with the song, I decided to make an art craft out of it and placed it in my room to remind me that indeed, love can make people brave no matter how hard or how tough times may be.

What strong hearts they have.

I pray to have one, too. 

But halt, being emotional is the last thing I want to be so, I guess I'm going to conclude it here. I'm not used to writing 'I-sulk-in-pain' entries. ^^

It's been a long time since I last posted on this blog. I miss you, bloggie. Will come back to you when old Giulia returns (a.k.a after the preboards haha) :)

Inspiration to this post: