To be Lost is to be Found

People would often say that a heartbreak is God's form of redirection.

Sometimes, that phrase isn't just too easy to believe in. During the moment when our dreams get shattered and our hopes are drained, it then feels like you are also lost and unsure.

I can still remember the times when I felt very lost. Those moments were never easy. Some of them have actually made me question God's love for me. When I failed, one of the biggest questions for me was "I am Your daughter, right? Why is it that I am denied of the blessing I have wanted and prepared for?" Fortunately, thanks to time as well, the reason and the purpose why I had that painful experience was actually for my own good. In reality, being lost is actually a blessing.

Yes, when we feel lost, and we still put our trust to the Lord, He will eventually reveal the purposes behind. Then we will realize it is truly a redirection.

But facing moments of uncertainty isn't easy and the realization that everything will work out don't always come. One thing I am grateful for this the Plan of Salvation. Knowing the Lord's plan of happiness for His children reminds me that not everything is final here on the earth. Every trial and heartbreak is a test for us, a boon to stretch us to become more than who we are.

Saying "I am so grateful for that heartbreak" may seem weird and unbelievable, but it is possible. If we put our trust to the Lord and His plans for us, we give Him the chance to heal us from our pain. How thankful am I for the opportunity to walk this earth and learn of the Lord's plan for me. Indeed, this life is a study and testing ground and I am thankful for every test that helps me be better. 

Taking "Beautiful" to the Next Level

We all have that experience. We meet someone breathtakingly beautiful. However, as you spend more time with that person, his/her beauty dulls and fades slowly, and slowly, and slowly...

Then, there's this other person whose physical appearance we might consider "average" or "just the right combination". But as you associate with him/her, he/she glows and blooms and gets more and more attractive. It's like there's just "something" present in that person that you just caaaaan't explain.

What made the difference? What was missing from the first?

I have been associating with different people I have met from diverse places. True to reality, I have likewise experienced both scenarios. I would like to share to you 5 of the many factors I have observed that make one person radiate beauty that is not just skin deep; 5 factors that take beauty in a whole new level. :)

1.) People who are extraordinarily beautiful are interesting.

These are the kind of people who know that beauty alone will not get a person's attention. They are funny, they are smart, they are good conversationalists. Their eyes light up and dance when you talk to them because they have always something to share. They do not hesitate to show their talents (even though some of them are quite weird). They love laughter. They crave for adventure. They have a reservoir of facts, a good collection of jokes, and pocket-full of inspirational quotes (some made by them!). They are the people who are confident because they know. :) They are the ones who don't just mope around the corner but they go around and give free smiles to everyone.

2.) People who are extraordinarily beautiful are always interested.

The most beautiful people in the world are those that are good listeners (ohh, an oft forgotten art). No matter how interesting they are, that doesn't stop them from being interested; they can still have moments of awe. They know that the world does not revolve around them. Have you experienced having a conversation with someone who just sat there, listened to you intently, empathized, rejoiced, and only gave advice when you asked them? They did not speak more than 100 words but you end up saying "Gosh, she's such a great listener! I wanna talk to her again!" People who are extraordinarily beautiful know how to give honest compliments, and they master the art of building other people's confidence. It is their happiness to make people feel good.

3.) People who are extraordinarily beautiful are always an inspiration to others.

I dunno why but there's something in them that is just so inspiring. Whether it be their dedication to their calling, the optimism that they have in life, or their trust in what they believe in, their character is always worth the example. I have a teacher when I was in college who was really simple (no makeup, no bling or what) but she radiates a beauty that is just so indescribable; it is really attractive! She was always so passionate when she talks about her faith, and she is ever so optimistic in all her trials. She loves laughing despite the pain that she goes through. Her quiet resilience and strength of character made her sooooo beautiful in my eyes.

4.) People who are extraordinarily beautiful are "we" oriented persons.

Selfishness and being self-centered are the two main culprits of that "glow" that makes one more beautiful. Even if your face is front-cover worthy, if you are mean, you're still boring. Extraordinarily beautiful people are those who are selfless and who forget themselves for the sake of other people. They are those whose hands are dirty because of volunteer work, those who go out of their way to help a friend in need, those who leave the company of their close friends to befriend and accompany a lonely person. They are those who live their lives in service of other people. These people may consider their efforts trivial but to those who see them, they are great examples. They are those who understand that "we" is better than just "me". 

5.) People who are extraordinarily beautiful know from which source their beauty comes from and they strive hard to retain it.

These people know that their gauge for beauty and confidence is not based on the number of likes they get on facebook or the amount of followers they have on Instagram or Twitter. They know better that they should not measure it on trivial things. They get their "glow" from much deeper sources: their relationship with Heavenly Father, the love of their family and friends, the admiration of truest friends, the company of good books, good conversations, and development of talents. They are rooted on a sturdy foundation. They are much more beautiful than the standards of the world and they strive everyday of their life retaining the "glow" that makes physical beauty so much more attractive. :)

There are so many criteria of beauty today. The media and society has their own basis of measurement. Sometimes, the requirements are overwhelming. But if you know how to look on the inside and strive to develop from there, you will gain a beauty even models would be dying to have. :)

Because He Lives

     What great comfort it is to know that every broken heart, every sorrow, every stain of sin, failure, and the sting of death can be endured and overcome by any one because He, our Savior, lives.

     I was eight years old when I first got the gist of what the older people called "the Atonement". The mini me randomly asked my mama "Why do we go egg hunting on Easter Sunday?" She shrugged and said she does not know. However, she gave me a wise response by asking "But do you know the importance of this day to you, to me, and to everyone?"

     It has been 15 years since that Easter Sunday but the lesson which my Mama lovingly gave continues to stay with me and has comforted me during the times that I needed it the most....and by that I mean "everyday".

     How can the knowledge that Christ, the literal Son of God, walked on the earth and lived like us help us in times of trials and challenges?

     How can knowing that Christ suffered in Gethsemane and died in Calvary give hope and renewal to a soul marred with sin?

     How can the fact that Jesus Christ rose from the dead on Resurrection Sunday comfort us when we are separated by death from a loved one?

     Our loving Father in Heaven knows that living here on earth is not easy or convenient. As human beings, we are susceptible to pain, sorrow, and sin. Because He is "all knowing and all loving", He gave us His only begotten Son to be our Savior and Redeemer -- to save us from our iniquities and infirmities.

     When Christ lived here on earth, He had experienced hardships much alike ours. He was never financially rich. He was always rejected, mocked, accused. He felt the pain of losing a loved one. He knew how it is to be tempted. He understands how it is to be denied by your closest friend. His heart also broke. Allowing himself to undergo these events that comes with being human, HE KNOWS AND COMPREHENDS WHAT WE ARE GOING THROUGH. A Book of Mormon prophet placed it this way:

11 And he shall go forth, suffering pains and ^aafflictions and ^btemptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will ^ctake upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people.

 12 And he will take upon him ^adeath, that he may ^bloose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to ^csuccor his people according to their infirmities.

...when you feel that your heart is overwhelmed with the pains of the world and it seems like comfort cannot be found anywhere, turn to Him. He understands because He lives.

     As human beings, our flesh can sometimes be weak which results to us breaking God's commandments. Oh, the guilt that comes with sin; the agony that comes with regret! The heartbreaking moments that you could shout and say "If only I could turn back time!" When we feel that we are like a hopeless case, we are reminded that Someone loved us so much that he drank the "bitter cup" to save us from our sins. It was never easy to bear the sins of the world but have you ever thought of the incomprehensible love that inspired Jesus , despite the many temptations that came to Him, to make sure He is worthy and pure to fulfill the role of a Savior? Our chances don't end when we commit sin. We can change and be clean from our sins because He lives.

     One inevitable event that comes with life here on earth is death. It may be a death of a loved one, death of a dream, death of plans so joyfully made, death of a peaceful comfortable life. Whatever death it may be, its sting, undeniably, is crippling. We tend to ask God "Why?!" When everything seems hopeless, may we always remember that since Christ overcame death, we too, can overcome the deaths in our lives. We will "rise up from the tomb". We can be reunited with those who have gone from us; we can rebuild our lives; we can start building new dreams and plans from the ashes. Despite the Maundy Thurdays and Dark Fridays of our lives, Resurrection Sunday will surely come. All of this is possible because He lives.

     What great tender mercy it is! What great wisdom and great love! Because He was sent here, He died, and was resurrected, we can endure life and be back to Father once again. Indeed, God loves us all so much.

     May we see this Sunday beyond the Easter Eggs and family vacations. May we always remember that everything is possible because HE LIVES.

But Let Him Ask in Faith, Nothing Wavering...

"If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not, and it shall be given him..

But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering..."

I guess it's safe to say that this scripture is familiar to every Latter-day saint (Mormon). It is the passage that encouraged the boy Joseph Smith to go to the woods and ask Heavenly Father about the questions he had in his mind. 

I reckon that because of how often it is repeated in classes, in meetings, in conferences, this scripture is kinda taken for granted. However, while I was watching 'The Restoration' the other day, 3 thoughts struck my mind

1.) Joseph Smith lacked wisdom

2.) He recognized this and he asked answers directly from God

3.) He was asking in pure unwavering faith. He really believed he will be heard by our Father in Heaven. This faith of his resulted to the First Vision. Answers were given to him because he acted in unwavering faith.

As someone who is reviewing for the CPA board exams, I won't deny that there have been countless times that fear gnawed me. I don't know what will happen in the future. I have no inkling what lies before me. There are still many accounting concepts that I struggle to understand that sometimes make me say "Waaah, what's wrong with your brain?" The ever present uncertainty and the difficulty of understanding the lessons most often cause my faith to waver..... and wavering faith is not good. 

However, when I heard the words of James 1:5-6 again, it seems as though a heavy load was lifted up from my heart. It gave me a moment of "Eureka!" I came to realize that I am not a hopeless case! Heavenly Father is more than willing to bless me with the wisdom that I need to comprehend the important accounting concepts! He is willing to give that blessing because I am His daughter and He wants me to be successful!

But in order for me to get this, I need to ask in pure unwavering faith. When Joseph Smith went to the sacred grove to pray to our Heavenly Father, I don't think that he has any idea that the Father and the Son would appear to him. However, he had this great faith that God gives to them that ask with complete trust. Even though he was attacked by such a dark feeling from the adversary, he persevered and stayed faithful that God will truly hear him. And heard Him, the Lord did. :)

I can compare this to the times that I feel such strong discouragements from the adversary. We all have those moments when we feel that we are total failures, a big disappointment, and our future blurry. Ahh! Those feelings! They are despicable. And we should not allow those feelings to consume us! Satan tried with all his might to stop Joseph Smith from praying because he knew young Joseph was ordained for a great and marvelous work! I get goosebumps with that! The more we feel discouraged, the greater potential we have and the adversary can see that! How amazing is that realization?!

I came to a conclusion that no matter how hard it is for us right now, no matter how disheartening our situation is, if we have pure unwavering faith, we can experience deliverance. We may not know what the future holds for us but the Lord said "For I know the plans that I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future..." I feel so overwhelmed every time I remember that. The Lord wants us to be successful. Again, He WANTS us to be successful because He has already planned that for us. Meaning, it's bound to happen. :). What we need to do is to have pure unwavering faith, our best efforts and actions, and perseverance despite all the buffetings of the adversary. 

No need to fear the future anymore! We just need to ask in faith, nothing wavering! :)

That Summer He Gave Me a Tropical Bouquet

That summer he gave me a tropical bouquet

With a promise that we'll be together forever and a day.

He tied them with a ribbon of the deepest blue

Telling me sweetly, "My promise to you is true..."

And I believed him, and flashed him a smile

As gently I savored the scent of the chamomile

I held the blooms tightly, the feeling was grand

When I did the same to his waiting hand.

We were happy and sparkling, the colors were bright

Radiated by a love that brings such a delight

A summer filled with laughter and sweet, sweet happiness

And the bouquet was still there, it was our witness.

Yet life must be envious of the love we shared

Fate was determined to turn our joy to despair

Little did I know, it was never expected

That one day everything will swiftly be ended

That summer he gave me a tropical bouquet

Yet everything changed in one dark day

The flowers withered, the leaves turned dry

And my beloved, my dear, dear, love,

from an accident, died.

Up to now I still keep that tropical bouquet

For even though it's less of beauty and more of decay

It reminds me of the moments when my beloved would say

"We will be together forever and a day..."

Disclaimer: This did not happen to me. :)

I Love to be Alone

I love to be alone

and appreciate freedom.

Even when people say 

"You don't look good walking alone..."

I appreciate

the long walks with myself

no talking, just feeling the caress of the wind

and dates that involve

me and my thoughts reserve only for solitude.

I savor the beauty

of the silent afternoon

Where I can be a bird

enjoying its own little cage

making the best

out of everything

I don't mind 

the vacant spot beside me

every time I eat out

with my shadow.

Though I know for an instant,

the waiter would wonder

or maybe say

"Where's he, young lady?"

I treasure the company

of silence uninterrupted

where I can let my thoughts speak

the things that my lips can't

and silence indeed

is a special friend.

There's no hand that holds mine

When something heart-warming is seen

Nor when I scream my lungs out

at a horror room

still it's fun

though I am alone

Yes, there are moments

when the enormous part of my heart

that craves for companionship

detests my love story with singlehood

But it understands

that this is necessary.

Yet, I would be a sad excuse for a liar

when I insist that I'd rather be alone.

The longing for a hand to hold

for a comforting hug

for a listening partner

for a best friend

would always win.

However, until I finally have him

I shall continue

this romance specially made for me and myself

so when that special time comes

we'll both rejoice

imagine that!

So when you see me

walking alone the long pavements

or eating by myself

with only the company of a book

Know that I am happy.

I may appear unaccompanied

But I carry someone in my heart. 

Someone whom I shall soon be with. :)

October and April

“My heart tells me this is the best and greatest feeling I have ever had. But my mind knows the difference between wanting what you can’t have and wanting what you shouldn’t want. And I shouldn’t want you.” 

-  Cassandra Clare, City of Glass

Imagine the joy of finding the one thing you have waited for in your life; it's beautiful, unbelievable, absolutely precious.

Now, imagine that find being dragged away from you because of the undeniable fact that some things are not meant for you and you shouldn't want it at all; it's painful to say the least.

Now, imagine if you were to really experience that for real?

I'm a sucker for sad love stories and I root for star-crossed characters; Fyedka and Chava from Fiddler on the Roof, Romeo and Juliet, the little mermaid and the prince in Hans Christian Andersen's original story. The more I tear up, the more that piece becomes more meaningful to me. 

What makes that sad, though, is that those kinds of love stories exist in real life as well. 

I sometimes wonder "Why do they still continue a relationship when they both know that they will both end up getting hurt in the end? Why do they give up a lot? Is there love worth all the sacrifices?"

To those who have given up a lot in the name of love, I guess I will hear a resounding 'Yes!'

Lately, I find myself listening to Rasmus' "October and April". The initial thought that came to my mind was "This song is so poignant but beautiful". It relates so honestly the pain of forbidden love and the willingness of the lovers to sacrifice for the benefit of their relationship with someone they adore. Because of my being too in love with the song, I decided to make an art craft out of it and placed it in my room to remind me that indeed, love can make people brave no matter how hard or how tough times may be.

What strong hearts they have.

I pray to have one, too. 

But halt, being emotional is the last thing I want to be so, I guess I'm going to conclude it here. I'm not used to writing 'I-sulk-in-pain' entries. ^^

It's been a long time since I last posted on this blog. I miss you, bloggie. Will come back to you when old Giulia returns (a.k.a after the preboards haha) :)

Inspiration to this post: